


Faith

by Zetal (Rodinia)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Is Bad at Crises of Faith, M/M, dean is smart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-09 23:10:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6928036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Castiel left after God declared that he was sitting this Apocalypse out, Sam calls him and leaves a message.  Dean overhears, and through his own despair and anger, recognizes the brokenness in Sam's voice.  So when Cas calls, Dean manages to convince him to come back and talk to Sam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Phone Tag

The Apocalypse was going to happen. Dean’s brother was a recovering blood addict. God had gone AWOL, Cas not far behind him. Dean was basically out of hope, out of strength, out of reasons to keep fighting.

He knew Sam hadn’t meant for him to hear the phone call. Dean had tried once to call Cas, left a voicemail, and decided that if Cas was gonna abandon them like their father had, Dean wasn’t gonna try to fight it. He needed what little fight he had left in him to stand against Michael. But Sam’s voice haunted him now.

“Cas, please. Come back to us. Me and Dean… Dean knows what it’s like to lose a father you had ultimate faith in, and I know what it’s like to lose your faith in Heaven and in God. You don’t have to go through this alone, Cas. Come back to us. Let us… we want to help you. And look, I know… I know it’s Dean you come around for, and you just… but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t mean everything to me, having you around. Knowing you’re in our corner for this fight. Call me back. Or call Dean. Please.”

The brokenness in Sam’s voice, the hollowness that was somehow filled with unshed tears and long-internalized pain, that got something in Dean’s brain working. The light that had flicked on got even brighter when his phone rang. “Cas?”

“Dean.” Castiel sounded odd – if he were human, Dean would say drunk. “I got your message. What?”

“Oh, you got my message, but not Sam’s?” Dean said.

“Yours was first. You’re easier. What do you want, Dean?” Castiel said.

“Look, I know it sucks,” Dean said. “But you don’t have to deal with it alone. And we’ve still got an Apocalypse to stop. Somehow. Could really use your help, man.”

“How? This whole time, my plan was to stop the Apocalypse by finding my Father. That’s gone. I don’t know what plan B is.”

“I don’t know, man,” Dean said. “I just know that in order to have a snowball’s chance, we need you in on it. So just… come back to us. We need you, Cas.”

“Dean, you’ve already given up hope yourself. I know you have. You don’t have faith any more than I do. Why are you still even going through the motions instead of curling up somewhere and getting drunk enough to give up and say yes?”

It was a fair question. Dean didn't have a good answer, so he spun the most believable bullshit he could come up with. “Cas, I can’t. I can’t do that to Sammy. He don’t feel the same way about me, but I can’t change how I feel about him.”

“He does feel the same about you,” Castiel said. “It’s not the only thing standing between him and saying yes to Lucifer, he still has his own faith and his resolve not to break again, but he needs you every bit as much as you need him.”

“Yeah? Then explain something to me, Cas. Every memory of his we saw in Heaven, every single one, was him leaving me. He needs me so much, why is his Heaven bailing on me?” Dean asked.

“It’s not,” Castiel said incredulously. “Dean, I saw his Heaven the other times he was there. The first time, it was the two of you laying on the Impala watching the stars. The second time he didn’t really have time to settle in, but it was you and him at some sort of carnival as children.”

“Yeah, well, this time it wasn’t. It’s changed,” Dean said. Thought it did give him hope that at one point, before the blood and the demons and the fighting, it had been.

“What’s more likely, that your brother has given up on you, that Zachariah was manipulating you, or that Sam’s Heaven involves rewriting memories without you to have you there with him?”

“Look, this is… since when are you so defensive of Sam anyway?” Dean asked. He knew Castiel had a good point, but he wasn’t quite ready to admit it. He was already beating himself down about leaving the amulet behind; he didn’t need to add to the guilt by accepting that he was blaming Sam for something that wasn’t even real.

“Sam is my friend,” Castiel said.

“Yeah, I know he is. You did at least listen to his message, right?” Dean said.

There was a long enough pause that Dean was starting to wonder if Castiel had hung up on him before the angel said, “Yes. I’m still trying to figure out what to do with the fact that he still has so much faith in me, even though he seems to believe I have none in him.”

“Well, you could try telling him you have faith in him. He could really use that,” Dean suggested. “But Cas, listen very carefully here. Whatever other crap is going on right now, Sammy is my little brother. He’s all I got. And he’s developing feelings for you. Now, I got no clue if you even can return them, but whatever you do about it, be good to him. Let him down if you have to, but do it easy.”

“Dean? What are you talking about?”

Dean rolled his eyes. Friggin’ angels. “Sam’s falling for you.”

There was another very long pause. “You think so?” To Dean’s relief, Castiel sounded pleased by this.

“Would I mess with you… yeah, probably, I would,” Dean said. “But would I mess with _Sam_ like that?”

“No. You wouldn’t,” Castiel said. “Dean, how do you know if something you feel is love?”

“Normally, I’d tell you to ask Sam,” Dean said. “It’s kinda… honestly, I don’t know how to explain it to someone who doesn’t experience emotions like we do. Look, just… if they make you happy, if you get excited about seeing them, if you can trust them to have your back and they can trust you no matter what, those are some of the things you look for. But they don’t necessarily mean you love someone in a particular way, you know?”

“No. I don’t know. But thank you for trying,” Castiel said. “Is Sam with you?”

“Not at the moment, he went out to pick up dinner, but he’ll be back soon.” Dean relayed hotel information. “This mean you’re gonna come back?”

“Perhaps. I don’t know. I have a lot to think about and I’m not exactly in the best state for thinking. I found a liquor store.”

“And?”

“I drank it.”

Dean laughed. “Well, come on, I’ll text Sam to pick up some aspirin or something for the hangover.”


	2. Chick Flick Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean bails so Sam and Cas can talk. Sam is determined to believe the worst, but Cas eventually talks him around.

Sam came in and threw the aspirin bottle at Dean. “Seriously, you’re already planning to get a hangover?”

Dean caught the aspirin easily and tossed it across the room. “Not for me, Sam. I’m out, gonna go find a bar. Won’t be back until late, so you have fun.”

“Dean…” Sam started. It hurt, Dean not wanting to be around him even for ten minutes to eat their dinner. Used to be, there was no way Dean would head for a bar without at least asking if Sam wanted to come. Tonight, Sam had the horrible feeling that even if he tried to follow Dean, his brother would tell him to stay at the hotel.

Dean looked at him, and his face softened just a bit. “Look, Sammy. Trust me. You should stay here. Half an hour, you’d rather be at the bar, I’ll come get you.”

Sam huffed. “Right. I’ll believe that. Go on, have fun, get back here safe when you decide it’s been long enough that I’ll be asleep.”

“Oh, for…” Dean said, rolling his eyes. “Sam, I trained you better than this.”

“Huh?” But then Sam looked around the room, and noticed Castiel holding the aspirin bottle. “Cas? Hey, man. Good to see you. You okay?”

“No,” Castiel said. “Thank you for the medicine. How many should I take?”

Sam blinked, heading for the bathroom to fill a cup with water for Cas. “Uh… I have no idea. Angels can get hangovers?”

“It takes a lot of work, but yes, I seem to have managed it,” Cas said. He opened the bottle and poured about half of it into his hand. “Are you all right? I know the trip to Heaven must have been difficult for you, thanks to Zachariah.”

“Zachariah?” Sam said. “What’s he got to do with it? Wouldn’t he be keeping me out if he could? Most of Heaven would…”

“Not all angels are like Zachariah and Uriel, Sam,” Castiel said. “There are many of my brothers and sisters who regretted that a soul so clearly meant to come to us was destined to be Lucifer’s vessel. If we can stop the Apocalypse, there’s no reason not to welcome you into Heaven.”

“Sure there is. It’s kind of my fault the Apocalypse is happening. Demon blood, vengeance… those aren’t the kinds of things Heaven’s looking for,” Sam said. If God hadn’t granted him salvation personally, he knew where he’d have been after Walter and Roy shot him. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to it, but he knew the score.

“It’s Dean’s fault, too. Mine as well. You only played one small part, and if you’d ever been told the truth about Lilith, I doubt very much you’d even have done that,” Castiel said. “If we must assign all the blame to one entity, then I suggest we give it to my Father. He’s the one who planned all this, and refuses to step in and end this before Michael and Lucifer ruin his creation.”

“I’m so sorry, Cas,” Sam said. “I know that my relationship with my dad hardly compares to you and God, or my relationship with God for that matter, but I know what it’s like to lose your faith so harshly.”

“I’m sorry for that,” Castiel said. “Looking back now, I very much regret my behavior when we were introduced. I didn’t intend to hurt you, but I did.”

Sam stopped unwrapping his chicken wrap, staring over at Cas. What had brought that on? Eventually he shook it off and went back to supper. “Sorry about driving Dean off. I’m glad you came back, though. Hard enough to deal with this kind of crap without adding to it by cutting yourself off from your friends.”

Castiel tilted his head, looking confused. “You didn’t drive Dean off. I could easily have gone with him, but the point of him leaving was to give me a chance to talk to you without him.” That threw Sam. “If I’d realized how it would affect you for him to leave so soon, I would have postponed this, but I wanted to do it before I could convince myself not to. Dean believes you have developed feelings for me.”

“Well, um…” How the hell had Dean even known, Sam wondered as his brain raced, trying to figure out how to handle this. If he’d had any kind of warning, he’d already be lying, making up some kind of cover story. But without having any idea what Dean had seen or heard to tell Cas about, Sam had no idea where to even start. “Dean’s an idiot sometimes, you know.”

“No, I don’t know that,” Castiel said. “Sam, such things don’t come naturally to angels, not like humans.” Of course not. Which is why Sam had kept this to himself. He braced himself for the rejection. Cas wasn’t the type to sugarcoat, but at least he wasn’t the type to be unnecessarily cruel, either. “Since I rebelled, though, I’m becoming more like a human, in many ways. The way my powers are gradually fading. Hangovers. Crises of faith. None of those things come naturally to angels. So why not developing feelings?”

“I don’t know. Why not?” Sam asked.

Castiel stared at him quizzically. Then he realized something. “Oh. No, Sam, that’s not what I meant. I meant that I shouldn’t have been surprised by the development of feelings. But I didn’t realize what was happening until Dean told me of yours.”

Sam couldn’t believe it. Was Castiel actually standing there telling Sam thanks for having a crush on me, it made me realize I have one on Dean? That’s pretty much how Sam’s life went, though. Everyone liked Dean better. The only exceptions were Dean, for some reason, and monsters. Monsters recognized Sam as one of their own, he figured. “I’m glad I could help you figure it out. Was Dean an ass about it?”

“Not nearly as bad as I’d expected him to be,” Castiel said. “He was very quick to remind me that you have a very protective big brother, but I don’t fear him and I don’t intend to give him cause to need to be protective of you.”

“Huh?”

“I had expected Dean to discourage me from talking to you, if not outright forbid it – not that I would have listened, had he tried,” Castiel said. “Instead, he encouraged me.”

“Okay. I’m now really confused.” Sam ran a hand through his hair, trying to process. “Look, you and Dean… don’t worry about me. I get it. I’m glad you told me, but it’s not really… what?”

Cas had been looking more and more confused as Sam spoke. “What does Dean have to do with anything?”

“Uh…” Sam and Castiel were apparently having two different conversations if that was even a question. “What, did Dean tell you to ask for my blessing or something? I’m not getting why Dean wanted you to talk to me…”

“If I didn’t talk to you, then…” Suddenly, the light went on for Castiel. “Sam. It’s not Dean I have feelings for. It’s you.”

Aside from not making any sense in and of itself, Castiel’s half of the conversation made a lot more sense now. “Me.”

“You don’t believe me.”

“It’s… I don’t think you’re lying to me, Cas, I’m just having trouble getting my head around this. I mean, rebellion or not, you’re an angel, and I’m…”

“Not Lucifer, despite how easy it would be for you say yes and not have to live with the guilt and regret that are threatening to crush you,” Castiel said. “Sam, if it had been anyone else, if it had been Dean, would you still hold Lucifer’s release against them?”

“No, but I should have…” Sam started, but he stopped. “I should have known better. Ruby had already lied to me about being able to save Dean, why did I believe her about vengeance?”

“Because she knew exactly what you needed and she gave it to you. I know you’re struggling to forgive yourself, Sam, and you probably always will. That doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t forgive you. I have,” Castiel said.

“What if I break again?”

“I don’t believe you will, but we’ll deal with it if it happens,” Castiel said. “I’m far more worried about Dean. Lucifer’s got a vessel; if Dean breaks, the Apocalypse happens. Michael’s more likely to win if Lucifer’s in Nick instead of…”

“Wait, Lucifer’s vessel’s name is Nick?” Sam interrupted, fighting back the laugh. “You’re kidding me.”

“No?” Castiel said.

“Sorry, it’s just… he’s got the nickname of ‘Old Nick’, and… I guess he’s got a sense of humor,” Sam said. “Sorry. If Lucifer’s in Nick, Michael’s got a better shot of winning, and I think we can all agree that if one of them has to win Michael’s better. But Dean… Cas, I’m worried. He’s been through a lot, and in Heaven… Heaven. Those are good memories, but I have so many more good memories of being with Dean, why didn’t we go to any of those?”

“Most likely because Zachariah was able to exert enough influence to set that up, but it could just be bad luck, I suppose,” Castiel said. “I’m worried about Dean, too. I’ll keep fighting because the only other choice is to find another liquor store, but I don’t know if Dean has it in him to keep fighting. He needs to find his faith in you.”

“Seems like every time we start to make some progress, something new comes along. The Colt not working, Famine getting me to drink again, Heaven. Hard to blame him, when it seems like the entire world is against us.”

“You and Dean against the world. I’d take the Winchesters, if Dean can get around to making the two of you truly a team again,” Castiel said. “Sam, are you going to join him at the bar?”

“You really think he left so that you could talk to me, not because he needed to get away from me?” Sam said.

“That’s what he said, and I’m willing to believe him,” Castiel said. “Of course, that could just be my own self-interest speaking.”

“Good enough for me, if he meant it then he’d rather I stay here with you anyway and if he didn’t mean it, it would be awkward when I showed up,” Sam said. “You planning to stay for a while?”

“If I’m welcome,” Cas said.

Sam grinned. “Well, I want you here. But I actually meant sticking around for a few days instead of taking off again, or even longer.”

“I’ll stay as long as I’m welcome,” Castiel promised.

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone loves comments!


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